*Mature content follows…take care when reading around young children*
Some of my older children volunteer at a medical facility that requires them to get TB tests. The health department in our county gives TB tests for $10 and does not require an appointment (versus about $100 per child and an appointment at the doctor’s office).
So off we went to the county health department.
If anyone needs any tangible proof that our society is in trouble, take them to the local health department.
Keep in mind, this is the health center where people with no insurance go for inexpensive medical care, or people with high deductibles (like us) go to get things like TB tests. It is also a resource for the financially struggling to receive free healthcare and vaccinations. These health centers serve a large, diverse group of people in many different situations.
There are various clinics in our local health department, but any minor older than 11 is required to be treated in the Teen Wellness Center. (Yes, I suspect you’re thinking what I was thinking: “I thought this would be for ‘teens,’ which means an age that ends in ‘-teen’…so why have ‘teens’ now been re-defined to include some children whose age does not end in ‘-teen’?”)
For this next part, make sure there are no small children looking over your shoulder.
All clear?
Scroll down.
In the Teen Wellness Center, on the wall immediately opposite the waiting room chairs, is this:
I moved as quickly as possible to flip over the most offensive of the pamphlets before my teens start reading them.
However, I needn’t have bothered, because while I was paying, filling out forms, and flipping pamphlets, my children were each handed a questionnaire asking about:
- their sexual activity
- sexual partners
- whether they were in a violent relationship
- whether they regularly used birth control to avoid pregnancy and STDs
- and about fifteen more of these types of questions
We were there for a TB test! But TB test, strep throat, or vaccinations, it does not matter…every child is handed this form.
Apparently, this is what secular society means by the phrase “Teen Wellness.”
Once we got into the treatment room (side note: each child was sent to her own separate room), these kind of posters were on the walls:
I was shocked, but I was there for my children’s TB tests. So I went from treatment room to treatment room assuming I would need to sign the consent form for said TB test (it requires an injection under the skin). However, I was informed that my signature was not necessary.
I was told that the “great” thing about the Teen Clinic is that teens do not need their parents’ permission! And remember: all older than 11 years old are REQUIRED to go to the Teen Clinic–it isn’t just an option for them, but mandatory.
Yes, that’s right.
In the Teen Wellness center, teens can receive almost any “healthcare” they want without anyone else knowing. And just to be certain the “teens” get what sort of healthcare is available to them, there is a flier for the “Family Planning Clinic” which explains in a bright red, eye-catching box (underlines and caps are not mine, but verbatim from the flier): “no matter what–ALL SERVICES ARE CONFIDENTIAL–REGARDLESS OF YOUR AGE! Parents are not required to be involved.”
For our family, this was a teaching opportunity, but I pray for the girls who were waiting there alone (or with a boyfriend).
On the drive home, I told my teenagers how sad and angry I was. How sad it was that young girls did not know about God’s plan for their lives and their fertility. How sad it is that our society believes that setting girls up to be sexually used and discarded by men is a good thing. Worse still, as a result of the behavior they encourage, other children could be conceived…and then more “healthcare” could be provided which could result those lives being simply…discarded.
Nowhere in that Teen Clinic was there any pamphlet or sign that encouraged young people to wait for marriage, to learn about their worth and dignity, nor was there any acknowledgement of the pain and sadness that girls and boys suffer as a result of a lack of chastity.
I wish that I could say that what goes on in my conservative southern county is unusual. Sadly, it is not, and Catholic parents need to have their eyes wide open about the secular world their children today inhabit.
As parents, we have a small period when they still live at home, but are old enough to begin to understand the truth about human sexuality. As parents, it is our job to teach them about their God-given sexuality, about the beauty of their changing bodies, and about the inherent dignity they possess as children of God.
But there’s no denying it…human sexuality is difficult to discuss with children. We want our children to be informed, but we don’t want them to lose their innocence or purity of mind. To be completely honest, I have never felt completely comfortable talking about it, and thus have had to find books to help me teach it.
There is a certain delicacy with which the topic should be broached. Out of many resources I’ve found over the years, The Joyful Mysteries of Life contains the most delicate and beautiful explanation on the “facts of life” that I have ever read.
This book was written by Catholic parents to help other Catholic parents introduce human sexuality to their pre-teen children. It is designed to be used with parent and child as a team; each chapter is only a couple of pages long, and is followed by questions that can be answered and discussed together.
I have loved this book ever since I opened it over a decade ago. For example, in Chapter 1, the author describes how the baby’s first cradle (the womb) is “a very soft little cradle which God, our creator . . . gives to each girl, so that if, one day, she becomes a mother, she can cradle her baby for nine months of his life before he is born.” How wonderful and poetic!
The book goes on to cover a lot of ground, using specific details without being graphic or shocking.
It only takes ten minutes to read each chapter, making it easy for the parent to review the chapter before their child reads it (or to read it together). As it is written by Catholic parents, every chapter also discusses one of the Joyful Mysteries, as well the Blessed Virgin Mary and St. Joseph’s roles as as examples of true masculinity and femininity.
Topics in The Joyful Mysteries of Life include:
- Menstruation
- Vocation of women as mothers or religious
- The role of fathers and the vocation of men
- Marriage and sacrifice
- Girl’s and boy’s purity and why it’s important to protect
- Temptation (a must-read)
- What to do when someone fails to keep their purity (an important topic)
- God’s forgiveness (a VERY important topic!)
- The freedom that comes from following God’s laws
However, as good as The Joyful Mysteries of Life is, it does not address all the issues involving sexual immorality that plague us today.
For that I have found another book, Made this Way. This is not an academic book but rather a common sense explanation of the moral dilemmas that are all around us.
First, this book is worth buying for the quick, common-sense explanations it gives on natural law. However, Made this Way also discusses every moral issue of our times, from sex outside of marriage, same sex marriage, and divorce, to contraception, abortion, reproductive technologies, modesty, pornography, gender identity, and homosexuality.
Best of all, each topic is given a thorough and practical explanation of what the church teaches and how to explain it to your children, regardless of age. Made this Way has one section with an explanation for little kids and another section for big kids. All of this is covered in under 250 pages, making it a great, manageable book for busy parents.
Sometimes I am saddened at the topics I must discuss with my children. But I must.
You must, too.
The alternative – remaining silent – would leave them completely vulnerable to all the distortions of the true meaning of human sexuality.
These two books are a godsend; as Catholic parents, it is our God-given duty to teach our kids about the beauty of God’s design for sexuality, and how true freedom lies in the safeguarding of that gift.
Mary, Mother most pure, Mother most chaste…Pray for Us!
PS We have other excellent books on parenting and purity here on our website.
Kerri is the co-founder of Holy Heroes and the creator of the “Adventures” they offer free online. She has graduate degrees in history and law. She now homeschools the two children still at home (having successfully sent the six oldest children off to college).
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Thank you for this post. My heart sank yesterday when I was lectured and belittled in front of my daughter when I asked to please be present with my daughter (meaning, do not take my daughter in for a confidential pow wow without me). They let me in after actual eye rolling and huffing and puffing. I’ve never felt so shamed. I never felt so embarrassed. I couldn’t even find the words to respond because I was in complete shock when the nurse let my daughter know that “since your mother won’t give us the time for a confidential conversation, I cannot cover what I need to” and “Does anyone listen to your voicemails on your phone? Then we will leave a confidential message for you.” There was much more but long story short, as a parent, I was a barrier for them. This was in a regular Kaiser appointment for a hurt toe.
I cannot thank you enough for your ministry and for sharing all of these treasures of our faith with us! My husband, five children, and myself have enjoyed holy heroes content for many years now! This is exactly the recommendation I needed right now! May God bless you and your family abundantly and always!!
Thank you for sharing!!
I am so grateful for this information! What is the best age to begin going through the book with them?
Joyful Mysteries is for late elementary school and up. Made This Way is for any age as the questions arise with your child. However, you are the best judge of when you need to have these discussions with your child.
I really like your book recommendations. Unfortunately my children don’t speak English, I live in Mexico, you see. Do you know if there’s a translation available? Thank you.
Sorry–not aware of Spanish versions. However, you could read to them and translate or simply inform yourself for discussions.
Just a small note of relief: we actually have used that relationship brochure at the pregnancy center I work with to encourage girls to rethink their actions and choose abstinence. Same with the Am I Ready to be a Mom/Dad.
The rest is a different story though.
When I worked for a pro-life organization, I read all the newsletters from our local state-run “family planning clinic.” These newsletters assumed that all women clients were promiscuous, that they should be fitted with “long-acting birth control” devices, and that the needed to be told to plan only a few births, if any, in order to improve their lives. Now I am not naive. Perhaps most or all of their clients are promiscuous. But for THE STATE to take this as the given and just (in bald language) stop them from breeding however possible … well, I learned a lot about the contempt our wise and benevolent government has for the poor.
Thanks for sharing! With the first book you mentioned, does it go into the ‘technical or science’ aspect of the subject or is it more spiritual based? I’d like to have something that says this is the woman’d Body and all the parts and what’s happening and this is the mans body and parts, and by God’s design this is how it all works. But I don’t want to scandalize the kids either!
It covers both the aspects, explaining parts of the body and how everything works to express love of spouses and the love of God. Beautifully done.
Although I was aware of the above due to very concerning updates from the nursing profession, I remember all too clearly my first shock and I felt just as you describe above. It can get exhausting and numbing to find yet another source of evil infiltrating young minds.
One source of hope however, is some of the work being done in this area by the Church herself. My oldest daughter is the director of a program for Catholic Charities in Denver called Gabriel House and in their outreach to the poor, along with material goods and many services, the life-giving message of Natural Law are provided in parenting classes, Real teen support, natural family planning, etc. Many Catholics are losing confidence in Catholic organizations fighting the good fight and donations are way down. I hope I can dig deep both spiritually and financially to encourage and enthusiastically support organizations like the above to shine a light. And of course, Holy Heroes would be another great recipient. God bless all of you!
Did you begin with chapter 1 in the Mysteries of Life book with your boys? Or is the book mostly for girls?
Yes, we went through chapter by chapter with our son, too. It is great to inspire respect and appreciation in boys for how girls were made in contrast to how God made him.
Thank you for your input. What age did you begin the book with your son? My son is 11 and not sure if now is the appropriate time since the book goes over a girl’s body and her gifts first. I have been reading it slowly with my older daughters and it is wonderful! Just absolutely beautiful the way it talks about our bodies and gifts!
One of the parts of this story that breaks my heart is that there are so many teens who need to get health services without their parents knowing, or who’s parents are so absent that the only way they could get treated is without them. I work with kids every day who can go days at a time without seeing their parent, and I work in an elementary school. I’m not just talking about birth control. There is a walk in clinic bus across from our school and I”m shocked how often we call to say a child is sick and the parent wants us to just send them over. I’m talking about rashes, fevers, tummy troubles. My heart breaks in so many ways for so many students.
What you describe is so sad. But you don’t mean that children need to get treatment without the parents even knowing about it–that is, intentionally hiding it from the parents, but that sometimes parents aren’t actively involved in person but that they tell you via phone to send the child to see a medical professional? Permission in person from the parent or guardian is not the same as not even notifying the parent or guardian, is it? Where do these kids you mention who go days at a time without seeing their parents live? I’m not certain I understand how elementary-age kids are living without adult caregivers of some sort? Terribly sad to hear.