Dignity, Duty, and Discernment: What Fathers and Sons Need to Know

“Christ…assigns as a duty to every man the dignity of every woman.”

~ Saint John Paul II, General Audience, November 24, 1982

I became a Consecrated Virgin Living in the World on August 15, 2016. My consecration was my wedding day — I became espoused to Christ — and we partied that way. I invited all my friends and family, and after the Mass, we enjoyed food and drink and dancing late into the night. Not many people invite their ex to their wedding, but I did.

The guy I dated in high school came to my consecration with his lovely wife and their four young sons. A few days after my consecration, I received an email from this gentleman, thanking me for the invitation and telling me how much fun he and his wife had at the reception.

In my response, I thanked him for having been such a good and holy young man when we dated back in high school. If he had been less virtuous, my vocation could have been lost before I ever discovered it.

You see, a significant part of my discernment was understanding how God had protected me and preserved me for Himself — partly by putting holy guys in my path who never tempted or selfishly pressured me to do something I would regret. It seemed simple but important to express my gratitude to my high school beau.

It took him months to reply. This is what he said:

“Thank you so much for your kind words. I cannot tell you how often I’ve considered them and taken them to prayer — you left me speechless. I’ve honestly wondered these past months how to properly respond.

With the Lord blessing us with four (for now?) boys, your words struck me deeper than I anticipated. Quite often, I’ve considered: how am I preparing these young souls for their future or how am I preparing them for their future vocations? However, your words provided an interesting, and unconsidered, perspective: how will these young men protect the vocations of others? It was especially with regards to “the other’s vocation” that drew me deeper.”

Just as my “thank you” to him had unanticipated power, his reply to me has stuck with me all these years. I hadn’t even considered what my words would mean to him as a father to four sons. What it truly means that God has “assigned as a duty to every man the dignity of every woman.”

When we talk about discerning vocations, so often the focus is on me: “What is God calling me to do?” That’s a very good and necessary question to ask. But how often do we talk about our responsibility to protect the vocations of others?

Here are some things for Fathers and Sons to reflect on:

Fathers, how are you preparing your sons to care for and protect the dignity of the women they will meet? (Parents: here’s a great set of books that can help–one for you dads and one for moms.)

Sons, when you date a girl, do you recognize that God might be calling her to be His bride someday? Does that change the way you see her? Will it change the way you treat her?

PS Here’s another great book on Discernment Do’s and Don’ts which can help everyone as they grow to discover God’s vocation for them! For other parenting books, browse our selection of solid Catholic materials here.