“It’s important to note that when we are the center of our decision-making process, the entire Body of Christ suffers, God desires that we be sanctified through our vocation. That means that we can grow in holiness through the trials and challenges that we face in everyday life.”

How do you develop the disposition of sacrifice before there aren’t enough cookies for every child to have one?

Or when the baby wakes up with a fever and now you can’t drive one of your older kids to the morning play date?

How can you integrate a culture of sacrifice into your family without arguing or feeling like you are forcing people to make sacrifices (which defeats the entire purpose of the sacrifice!)?

This is a common struggle for families, especially large ones where daily sacrifices of individuals are so necessary for making the home run smoothly.

In her book The Lost Art of Sacrifice, Vicki Burbach does a deep dive into the four virtues that, if encouraged, help us develop a true willingness to embrace suffering through sacrifice.

Rather than struggling to convince young children of the importance of sacrificing (something that many adults still struggle to embrace!), parents can instead focus on these four virtues as stepping stones to increase a culture of sacrifice in their families.

The Virtue of Purity

“In order to develop a love for God that will allow us to follow Him through a life of sacrifice, we must not only get rid of any attachment to sin, but we must absolutely abhor it. For only a pure heart can enter into the Heart of Jesus”

There is a reason that Jesus declared, “Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God.” Establishing the virtue of purity in your family is incredibly important (learn more about the Confraternity the Holy Heroes family is in which helps with purity) and the best way for this virtue to grow is in a soul free from sinful attachments.

When your children are young, talk to them about the importance of the sacrament of penance and go to confession as a family. If your children are still too young to go to confession, make a practice of making an examination of conscience during family prayers each evening. Even young children can think back on their day and ask God for forgiveness for their shortcomings. This will also help them learn the Examination of Conscience prayer before their First Confession!

As they get older, establish protective measures in your home to help keep your children pure of heart (especially in regards to technology) and encourage them to take on the responsibility of making sure they are going to confession on a regular basis.

The Virtue of Gratitude 

“Before we can love God, we need to understand how much He loves us as well as how much He has done for us and how much we depend on Him. To the extent that we are grateful to God, we will desire to have a fervent love for Him.”

I think every family can agree that more frequent uses of the phrase “thank you” would greatly improve family relations! Challenge your children to look for opportunities to thank others throughout the day. Make it a family practice to write thank you cards after birthdays and holidays. Encourage your children to find ways to thank the “helpers” in their lives (teachers, babysitters, grandparents, pastors, etc.).

Another great addition to family evening prayers is to have everyone share something they are thankful for from the day. We started this practice several years ago and it is beautiful to hear what everyone is thankful for at the end of the day.

The Virtue of Generosity

“The more we are willing to share of ourselves, the less attached we will become to this world and the easier it will be to forgo material comforts.”

Encouraging the virtue of generosity in children is something that parents do every day whether they realize it or not! Emphasizing sharing and waiting their turn are easy ways that generosity can be instilled in even the youngest of children.

Take it one step further and talk about the importance of being generous with God. Let your children put your tithe in the offertory basket. Involve your children in gathering clothes and toys to donate. Have your children help you make a meal for a new mom or family who is in need of support (food is often a tangible way for kids to begin understanding the importance of generosity).

Make sure that your children understand that all acts of generosity are done out of a love for God and what He has given to you. Remind them that everything they have is a gift from God and we should be quick to show our thankfulness towards Him by being generous towards others.

The Virtue of Simplicity

“Would someone who walked into your home experience a calm refuge amid the storms of the world? Does your home lend itself to a simple, peaceful, prayerful, joy-filled existence?”

Going hand-in-hand with generosity, simplicity will help make the home more peaceful. Strive to instill in your children a love of simplicity. Avoid consuming just for the sake of consuming (this includes food, entertainment, toys, etc.). Model for your children the beauty of simplicity by creating a home that is not filled with excess material goods (frequent donations help with this!).

By cultivating these four virtues, you can form the character of your children to naturally be more inclined to naturally offer up sacrifices! Find the rest of Vicki Burbach’s advice of sacrifice here.